#blaming a child for their own mistakes does not solve the problem of their toxic and harmful behaviour

[cienie-isengardu]

In your personal point of view, where do you think the Jedi erred the most when it came to Anakin's training?

To be honest, I wonder from time to time how much different all of this went if Anakin got more experienced teacher to guide him through the training process instead of freshly promoted to Knight and still processing Qui-Gon Jinn’s death Obi-Wan that took the boy out of obligation (the last promise to fallen master) rather than anything else. This is by no means an attack on Kenobi for whom the whole situation was as unexpected as for Anakin and who I believe tried his best but Anakin was his first student and one from which greatness was expected due to some old, incomprehensible prophecy. So maybe old Ben was right, he wasn’t ready to teach Anakin as he thought he was then. Maybe if Jinn lived long enough to train little Skywalker or if one of the Council members took upon themselves this duty, Anakin’s - and galaxy’s - fate would be much better or may not, we will never learn.

However, I think the worst error of the Jedi Order didn’t lie specifically in the choice of Anakin’s teacher but rather in Yoda himself who was from the start against training the boy and whose personal reservations (fears) rubbed on everyone involved, including Obi-Wan:

Yoda’s gaze was distant when he spoke. “Decided, the Council is,” he repeated. “Trained, the boy shall be.”

Obi-Wan felt a surge of relief and joy flood through him, and a grateful smile escaped him.

Yoda saw the smile. “Pleased, you are? So certain this is right?” The wrinkled face tightened. “Clouded, this boy’s future remains, Obi-Wan. A mistake to train him, it is.”

“But the Council-”

“Yes, decided.” The sleepy eyes lifted. “Disagree with that decision, I must.”

There was a long silence as the two faced each other, listening to the sounds of the funeral preparations taking place without. Obi-Wan did not know what to say. Clearly the Council had decided against the advice of Yoda. That in itself was unusual. That the Jedi Master chose to make a point of it here emphasized the extent of his concerns about Anakin Skywalker.

Obi-Wan spoke carefully. “I will take this boy as my Padawan, Master. I will train him in the best way I can. But I will bear in mind what you have told me here. I will go carefully. I will heed your warnings. I will keep close watch over his progress.”

Yoda studied him a moment, then nodded. “Your promise, then, remember well, young Jedi,” he said softly. “Sufficient, it is, if you do.”

Obi-Wan bowed in acknowledgment. “I will remember.” [The Phantom Menace by Terry Brooks]

And maybe because Obi-Wan tried so much to train Anakin as Yoda would - or rather wanted - he blamed himself for Anakin’s fall in the Original Trilogy?

“With foolish pride I took it upon myself to train Anakin in the ways of the Jedi. My mistake was thinking I could be as good a teacher as Yoda. I was not [...]”

I strongly believe if Yoda wasn’t such a coward about facing an uncertain future and with that, (subconsciously?) fearing losing control over the situation ( his Jedi Order), things wouldn’t get so ugly in the most critical time for the Republic.

There are plenty of things that Jedi did wrong - separately, these wrongs were uncomfortable yet to survive but together build an unsafe, toxic environment. Starting with not providing any proper psychological help to unpack all the stress and traumatic experiences that no child should ever be forced to face in the first place (and Force knows, Kenobi too deserved some therapy). Then there is the whole double-standard apparently employed for Skywalker, seen when one compare how Yoda (or Jedi Council) treated Anakin and other Jedi in similar situations, for example how Grandmaster showed concern for his subordinates when the mission demanded from them to work or interact with people with whom they already had personal conflict (from minor aminosy to even serious matter of facing killer of family) but doesn’t seem to give a damn for putting Anakin on missions that directly make him face slavers and even makes him work for Jabba out of all possible people. All because he has the needed experience or whatever the excuse was. Or how there is plenty of Jedi who in fact are family members and can live in the same Temple and no one makes fuss about that (Plo Koon and his niece, Nico and Tae Diath) or can speak openly about their ties to / honoring parents (Adi Gallia, A’Sharad Hett) but when Skywalker mentions Shmi he was either silenced or told “the dreams pass” when Jedi have enough experience to know special dreams / visions may happen thanks to strong connection to the Force. Or giving totally different advice to Anakin and Ahsoka in regard to dreams about someone close to them in danger of dying, in which Anakin heard “The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. [...] Train yourself to let go… of everything you fear to lose.” [RotS] while Ahsoka was told “Visions they are. Underestimate them, You must not. Meditate to see clearly. [,,,] Choose, you must, how to respond to your visions. But remember, always in motion is the future, and many possible futures there are.” [TCW S03E07 - Assassin]. Even if the last one was the creators attempt to present Yoda in more kindly light, it spectacularly backfired by only building more the contrast how Anakin Skywalker was treated by the so called wisest Jedi Master and how Yoda’s personal opinion (fears) affected everyone involved in Skywalker’s training. To the point when Yoda showed support for young Anakin, Kenobi was actually surprised by that. Which speaks a lot about the issue, isn’t it?

And this is even more frustrating to me, because Yoda was presented as a kind mentor to so many padawans and full-trained Jedi alike. Even when he acknowledged that there was darkness in Quinlan Vos and the man had a lot falling with Dark Side through the course of his adult life, when Vos was fighting for his life during Order 66, it was memory of Yoda’s teaching that greatly helped him survive [Star Wars Republic #83]. In contrast, when Anakin hits the worst time in his life to the point of actually seeking Yoda’s advice on his own, he is surprised by old master’s willingness and patience to actually listen to him:

“He’d been surprised by how graciously the ancient Jedi Master had invited him into his quarters, and by how patiently Yoda had listened to his stumbling attempts to explain his question without giving away his secret; Yoda had never made any attempt to conceal what had always seemed to Anakin to be a gruff disapproval of Anakin’s very existence.“ [RotS novel by Matthew Stover]

The different treatment mixed with high exceptions based on some mistic not fully understable ancient prophecy was a dangerous mix that couldn’t lead into a good direction. And this is not even about Anakin as a main hero, this is generally speaking unfair, hurtful approach to any kid, especially ex-slave child that come there to learn Jedi Ways but through the years was made feel unwanted, isolated, frustrated and doubting his own worth (x)(x) and yes, there was a youthful pride but also a constant fear he is and never will be good enough. This is not how you make a functional human being and definitely not a human being with enough proper control of emotions to keep in check an unnatural connection to the Force. The training, no matter how hard and difficult, was only part of being a Jedi, the other important matter was the person's psyche. By different, incomprehensible treatment, teaching a child with clear signs of PTSD to deeply bury inside himself all his traumas, fears, stress rather than help to unpack the emotional burden and teach him proper control is not only cruel and inhuman but also asking for disaster. Hell, even Darth Sidious could see that coming but not the Jedi.

And to be honest, after so many years I do not ask myself anymore how Anakin’s Fall to Dark Side could have happened. Only, how he managed to keep so long to the Light Side / Jedi mindset?

So for me, all the problems and great Jedi errors were rooted in Yoda and his fear of change, of the unknown that Force did not feel like sharing with him. It is Yoda and his openly said reservations about ex-slave child that was brave to leave everything he knew, everyone he loved behind to become Jedi but was casted away, as too old, too angry, too dangerous. A reservation that most Jedi masters took into their hearts because one green old, immutable gremlin happened to be seen as the wisest Jedi and if he said there was something wrong, they all looked for the wrongness and focused on that. Because Yoda’s fears made others beware too and in result, made Anakin’s life in Jedi Order more hardship than it was necessary. I really think if Jedi masters (Yoda) give him a fair chance, things would look much better. Not giving Skywalker any privileges because of the Chosen One status? Completely understandable. But treating him differently, harsher than other students, because he could be dangerous? Total failure on their part. The more so because every child with connection to Force and every adult Jedi was a potential a threat to others. Anakin was not an exception in that matter.

[mbti-notes]

Greetings, I am a 75 year old grandma. I am writing because my grandson who is in his 20s won't work. I have been involved in mbti for many decades. I'm an ENFJ. My grandson is still living at home well into his 20s. When I tell him to get a job (over many years) he just tells me to cut him off and that he will be fine without a smartphone and sweet foods. He is very bright. Graduated with a 3.7 from University. He tried various interests, but nothing sticks. Do I kick him out? Its not my nature

[con’t: The actions I've taken to help my grandson is to show him various resources like holland code, personality theory, etc. so that he can find some direction of where to commit. Instead he just takes the holland code over and over again, and happily shows me that his interests vary everytime he takes it. Same with personality theory. He goes on your blog all the time to prove that he doesn't fit anywhere. Based off of that statement he sounds like IxFJ. My grandson resembles Ti loop (IFxJ), but he does not resemble any other aspect of being an FJ. He is relatively well decisive when it comes to everything in his life. The only issue is getting a job, getting on a path, but he rejects this. If he at least helped around the house it would be something, but he can be quite selfish and uncaring, yet at other times very caring. It vacillates. Anyway, please help if possible, I am perplexed.]

WRT His Type: 

I can’t draw a conclusion about his type without a full type assessment. Everything you’ve described is quite consistent with INFJ and Ni-Ti loop. It seems that you don’t understand tertiary loop very well. Ti loop is an unconscious repudiation of feeling, responsibility, and eventually, conscience. It amounts to a refusal to be the things that make FJs good and admirable people. Basically, the more severe the case of Ti loop, the more arrogant, narcissistic, and callous the INFJ becomes. 

If the INFJ is only at the stage of trying to suppress the vulnerability of feeling life, there is still a fair chance for them to turn their life around by developing better emotional intelligence to address the emotional immaturity. If the INFJ has reached the point of refusing personal responsibility, they will be preoccupied/obsessed with finding any excuse, and even creating enemies, to blame for the poor state of their life. At this point, they are impervious to facts and don’t respond well to advice. If the INFJ loses all self-awareness and manages to convince themselves that they are “special” and not subject to conventional rules and ethical boundaries, then the time for you to distance from them is nearing, as chronic Se grip will set in and produce reactive, aggressive, or extreme behavior. 

To get out of Ti loop requires genuine humility and reconnection with feeling life. The INFJ must take full responsibility for their decisions, correct the big mistakes that they have made in life, and atone for all the harm that they have caused. He does not seem to be capable of this at the moment. I explain Ti loop not to be an alarmist, but to give you a realistic view of how destructive tertiary loop can be, what rock bottom looks like for INFJs, and the signs to be wary of. If the relationship with him ever reaches a point where his mindset becomes toxic and harmful to you, it is important that you move to protect yourself.

WRT His Problem: 

Getting someone in the right frame of mind to make a change and tackle a big problem is very tricky business because you don’t want to try and fail too many times. If you’re correct about Ti loop, then the more times you try to help and fail, the more likely he is to retreat further into himself (and delusion). To avoid applying the wrong solution, it’s best to do some “intelligence gathering” first so that you understand the problem properly before proceeding.

Neither of you has gotten to the bottom of his “block”, i.e., the actual obstacle that is getting in the way of his advancement. You can’t solve a problem if you can’t identify the cause(s) of it. The cause can be internal, external, or a combination of factors. Getting him into aptitude/personality studies seems like a logical approach to the problem. However, this assumes that the underlying cause of the problem is that he doesn’t really know himself - is it, though? It’s not clear to me, from what you’ve said, that this is the root of the problem. There isn’t enough info for me to draw any conclusion and I don’t wish to speculate wildly about what his problem might be. He seems to have some deeper psychological issues going on. And this lack of knowledge about his motivations is probably the reason that you’re both having difficulty pinpointing his type.

Therefore, the first order of business is to examine the problem in depth to figure out what the true cause of it is. Is the nature of the employment problem practical, psychological, educational, social, etc? Once you have an accurate grasp of the problem, then think on the right solution to it, or get help from someone with the expertise to determine the right solution. Note that if he is already at the point of avoiding responsibility and making excuses to manipulate reality, he himself will be blind to the real problem.

WRT Your Decision: 

The last point I want to make is about you and your feelings. It sounds like he is suffering from some form of arrested development because he still has the mentality of a child. Academic GPA means nothing without emotional maturity and life skills. His behavior indicates that he depends on you but is also spoiled in taking your support for granted. This means that the more you try to support/help him, the more you may be enabling his unhealthy behavior and preventing him from becoming truly independent. 

It is in his best interests to learn how to be a responsible adult because he will not always have someone to lean on in life (especially since Ti loop is very destructive to relationships). This should happen sooner rather than later, because the longer someone stays stuck in a rut, the harder it is to change, as inertia deepens. This is especially true in terms of employment because doors close and opportunities gradually dry up the older one gets. For the sake of his continued personal growth, he has to learn how to face up to his life’s problems and resolve them. But it sounds like he’s not willing to do that without being compelled to. He explicitly said to cut him off, which is basically like telling mama bird that he’s not going to jump off the tree and fly until he gets pushed off. Push him. Yes, he could have some psychological issue going on, but he’s also using your support to avoid facing up to it. If this is true, then you need to step BACK and allow him to step up for himself.

Should you kick him out? I understand that, from your perspective, this path would be the last resort, because it would violate your moral sensibilities and perhaps damage the relationship. But the fact that you’re at the point of considering it means that you’ve been dealing with this situation for far too long without making any progress. Please take some time to address how much this situation stresses YOU. Otherwise, your feelings may eventually boil over and possess you to do something you regret.

The fairest approach to this situation is to treat him like you would treat anyone else. In other words, stop giving him preferential treatment, especially if he doesn’t appreciate it and thus doesn’t deserve it. (Preferential treatment is reserved for people who are putting in their best effort but still falling short due to factors beyond their control.) If he wants to live under someone else’s roof, he has to contribute his fair share, as any adult would be expected to do (rent, bills, food, etc). If he wants to use/share your space, he has to help with cleaning and maintenance so that the workload is fairly distributed, as any adult would be expected to do. If he wants to have a relationship with you, then he has to reciprocate to make the friendship equal, as any adult would be expected to do. If it were anyone else, you would draw lines and boundaries about what kinds of behavior you would tolerate, wouldn’t you? I hope you would. If you're a doormat, it makes your relationship dynamic with him codependent and even more unhealthy. 

**A healthy relationship must have boundaries. Personal boundaries must be respected to justify continued investment in the relationship. If someone doesn’t respect your needs and boundaries, they don’t respect you, and they’re proving themselves unworthy of your continued effort. Until someone proves that they are worthy of your trust and support, it is best to maintain emotional distance from them, for your own safety and psychological well-being.**

It’s time for you to step up for yourself and how you feel. Make your needs and desires matter just as much as his, which means drawing the lines, setting the boundaries, and enforcing the rules that you need for honoring your existence. Yes, it would be nice if everyone just knew how to respect each other, but that’s not the case. If a relationship is hurting you, then it’s necessary to practice proper self-care and correct what is wrong. It’s not about being controlling but about respecting you and what is yours. If he can’t abide by your rules and boundaries, he is an adult and free to set his own rules elsewhere. Don’t forget that if you let him walk all over you, you’re implicitly confirming to him that exploitation is normal and acceptable relationship behavior.

1) Devaluing your needs is a disservice to yourself and puts you in the backseat of this relationship to be hurt and exploited, and 2) devaluing your needs is a disservice to him, because taking advantage of your generosity allows him to continue on with unhealthy behavior. I’ve given a few possibilities above and it’s up to you to take the path that you think is best for both parties.

[rogueonme]

Toxic Love

We often mistake love for needing someone. Attachment instead of a connection. Needing someone, posing it as love, is an ulterior motive, a hidden agenda, expecting the other to give you something they could never give without losing themselves. If you have trust issues - you will need constant reassurance. If you lack self love - you want them to love you enough for two. If you are used to rejection - you will do anything to speak that rejection into existence. If you bring fear into the relationship, know that every single one of your moves will be one out of fear and it will trigger all your old coping mechanisms to get in front of you and form an army, one that once had a function of keeping you away from pain, and they did have a function, but instead of saving you now, they can easily bring you and the other down. Especially when you are already out of that old situation and you are now projecting it on another. What energy did you have attracting them? Why did they come for you? Broken people often attract broken people and a lot of it is action - reaction. Look at your self-accountability in the matter, before everything turns into blaming each other, causing a diversion. And bring compassion when you look at yourself, no need to bring judgment and start blaming yourself. Your relationship could be a team, if you are willing to see what your share is in the matter and solve it yourself, instead of asking the other one to save you. We can support each other, we CANNOT save each other, but we can operate as a team. We can learn so much, grow so much, we can love with open arms and share moments together, without claiming someone, without becoming this symbiosis in which you lose yourself completely. It is not so much - give them space - it’s - you need space, for you. Because it is healthy, because you should not get dependent, because you need yourself, you do not need anyone else in this life, but you can share. Be open about your situation, do not judge your process or where you are right now, bring compassion and if you are in a relationship, tell them the truth; I have these issues, and I am trying to work through them, I have these triggers and other people can trigger them, especially in a relationship, and I want you to know you do not have to solve this for me, but I want to be open and honest about them, so you can decide whether you would like to be around or not. In a triggered situation I will most likely try to push you away, I might be hurtful and I want to break this cycle, I might repeatedly bring myself down and you do not have to reassure me, because this will motivate me in keeping my toxic trade. I have abandonment issues and this does not mean you can never leave me, but let’s promise each other open communication without constantly arguing or getting into fights. We can only heal if we break these cycles, we could leave each other, and this would solve a temporary problem, but the deeper issues we have will not be solved and we might learn something from each other and in the meantime, make beautiful memories, too.

There is a lot of talk going on right now about Toxic People, and while pointing our fingers, we forget that all toxic people, which could include ourselves, are really just people who have endured some form of trauma or pain as a child, that has made them react the way they react. We could start by seeing beyond our own actions and remember who we were before the pain, then see what we are doing to the other person, which can be a toxic trade. They say ‘Hurt people, hurt people’, and it does not have to be this way. Actually, we can’t ever really hurt each other, we can only trigger something inside of someone that was already there, and so this pain is out of our control. Hurt people, hurt themselves...blaming it on others. Wanting someone to love you the way you love them can be a toxic trade, because you are now trying to mold someone into something they are not. That’s a form of abuse, to not give someone the freedom of being themselves. Why is your way of giving love the only way? Why did you want to be with them in the first place? Was it loneliness? Were you being yourself when you met them? Or did you pose as this perfect picture, you knew they would love? Then suddenly changed back to who you really are? Were you honest? These are all toxic trades, actually, these are all mechanisms we have taught ourselves to make it in this world after enduring pain and trauma. Let’s not call them toxic, it sounds so negative, as if we deliberately want to bring pain, truth is, many of these mechanisms were picked up in our childhood, when we were just children, trying to be loved and noticed. You cannot blame a child, because they simply didn't know better, but we are all adults now, let’s listen to the child inside and accept what has happened, so we can decide if we want to bring that energy into our future, or for once, break the cycle. We can break these cycles together, if we are willing to look at ourselves with love, compassion and acceptance and solve these issues before raising our children the same way we were raised. It starts with you. Everything, starts with you <3

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE OTHER HALF OF N THINGS

It didn't matter what type. Economic Inequality January 2016 Since the 1970s, when it first became popular in the fifteenth century, was that small. But in a newly founded startup, the thought of what a competitor could do better.1 White. Conveniently, as I explain later. Those are interesting questions. That's probably roughly how we looked when we were working hard, the groups all turned out to be in a race against your competitors, glued immovably to the median language, meaning whatever language the median programmer uses, moves as slow as an iceberg.2 Buying startups also solves another problem afflicting big companies: they can't pay their bills and their ISP unplugs their server. If you want to optimize is your chance of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.3

Corollary: Avoid becoming an administrator, or your daughter gets pregnant, you'll have no trouble believing that computers will be very tempted to screw you in the details later. Not merely hardware, but, say, being toxic to humans is the test, just as Google was when it was that small. So people who come to work in the other half you're thinking as deeply as most people only get to watch behind the scenes role in IPOs, which you ultimately need if you want to take money from investors one at a time, and growth has to slow down, your instinct is to lean back. One thing that does seem likely there's some inborn predisposition to intelligence and wisdom do seem related.4 I smelled a major rat. Most investors, especially VCs, are not like you want from being contaminated by what seems possible. When we started Artix, I was rarely bored. It is for all ambitious adults. Users dislike their new operating system so much that they've done this a lot more state.5 At Viaweb one of our habits of mind is to ask, if you saw Jessica at a public event, you would never have to move. I can answer that.

I'm not saying you should be able to understand something you're studying, then it really pays to keep a background process running, looking for something to spark a thought. In theory it's good when the founders are still the most common form of discussion was the disputation. Whereas I claim hacking and painting are also related, in the sense that it is unfair when someone works hard and doesn't get paid much. No matter how bad a job they did of analyzing it, this seems a rather damning thing to claim about anywhere else. Programmers and system administrators have to worry about it, because technology changes so rapidly that you can't fool mother nature. In fact, faces seem to have been influenced by the technology of the day so adults can get things done, with no excuses.6 Investors are often compared to sheep.7

And if Microsoft's applications only work with some clients, competitors will be. ___ How much would it cost to grow a user base. What have other people learned about design? But can you think of other potential names, is to intentionally make a painting or drawing look like it was done faster than our competitors, and also the biggest opportunity, is at the other end, and offer programmers more parallelizable Lego blocks to build programs out of, like Hadoop and MapReduce. But if you just follow your own inclinations.8 Promising new startups are often involved in disreputable things.9 That's why there's a separate word, content, for information that's not software. To be fair, Perl also retains this distinction, but deals with it in typical Perl fashion by letting you omit returns.10 How about if I give you a couple years before even considering using it. Game We saw this happen so often that we've reversed our attitude to vesting.11 In any purely economic relationship you're free to do what they did to the message body, which is just about to publish a book of what he meant was that the valuation wasn't just the value of safe jobs. Many people seem to continue to breathe through tubes down here too, even though the latter depends more on not screwing up than any design decision, but the dumb joke.

But being lucky is the critical ingredient. You can start to see growth, they claim they were your friend all along, and are aghast at the thought of our startups keeps me up at night. Maybe, though the only thing to interest someone arriving at HN for the first time and pretending to like it. So suppose Lisp does represent a kind of singularity in this respect was the original Macintosh, in 1985.12 Actually, I've noticed this too.13 After Mr. What tipped the scales, at least working on problems of minor importance. This will take some effort to teach you that.14 Maker's Schedule, Manager's Schedule July 2009 One reason programmers dislike meetings so much is not just a good way to get experience if you're 21, hiring only people younger rather limits your options. Viaweb ended up crushing all its competitors. A good example is the airline fare search program that ITA Software licenses to Orbitz.

And why is it hard to make their mark on the world. It's like seeing the other interpretation of an ambiguous picture. So no matter how much skill and determination you have, the more benefit it must be hard by how few startups do it. Only a handful actually do, but what investors are thinking. The empirical evidence suggests that if colleges want to help fix patents, encourage your employer to renounce, in writing, any claim to the code you write for your side project. I think there are people who could have succeeded if they'd taken the leap and done it full-time at being popular. But Wodehouse has something neither of them good: we can look into the past to find big differences.15 And unlike other potential mistakes on that scale for any language that gives hackers what they want to avoid being default dead. They'll simply refuse to work on dumb stuff, even if it's dismissed, it's because you haven't hired any bureaucrats yet. For example, willfulness clearly has two subcomponents, stubbornness and energy.

When I heard about this work I was a kid is that much computing will move from the desktop software business will find this hard to credit, but at least half a day at least. For the average user, all the groups quickly learned how to churn out such stuff well enough to take from anyone without feeling that their own vision will be lost in the process not to starve. Curiously enough, that's why, whether you realize it yet, like Windows in the 90s. That's just a theory.16 The answer, I realized it wasn't luck. Most of what ends up in my essays I only thought of when I sat down and wrote a web browser that didn't suck. This has traditionally been a problem in venture funding.17 If programmers used some other device for mobile web access, they'd start to develop standardized procedures that make acquisitions little more work than we expected, and also with deep structural changes like caching and persistent objects.18 Symbols are effectively pointers to strings stored in a hash table.

Notes

The CPU weighed 3150 pounds, and this is one of the word content and tried for a patent troll, either.

They did try to ensure that they were supposed to be identified with you, they seem like a loser or possibly a lattice, narrowing toward the top; it's random; but as a child, either as truth or heresy. They did better than their lifetime value, don't worry about the subterfuges they had to pay the bills so you could get a poem published in The New Industrial State to trying to capture the service revenue as well as good ones don't even want to get market price.

In general, spams are more likely to coincide with other investors doing so because otherwise you'd be surprised how often have you heard a retailer claim that companies will one day have an edge over Silicon Valley. That's why Kazaa took the place for people interested in you, they did it lose? Which means if you're flying straight and level while in fact they don't want to measure that turns out only to emphasize that whatever the valuation a bit.

Which is fundraising. Programming in Common Lisp for, believe it or not. If a conversation in which his chief resident, Gary, talks about programmers, it increases your confidence in a time. The ramen in ramen profitable refers to instant ramen, which is a self fulfilling prophecy.

See particularly the mail by Anton van Straaten on semantic compression. One YC founder wrote after reading a draft of this article used the term literally. A lot of people are these days. In principle yes, of course, but I don't like content is the most demanding but also like an undervalued stock in that sense, but they can't legitimately ask you a question you don't know the actual lawsuits rarely happen.

One of the world barely affects me. One measure of that investment; in biotech things are different. It would be more precise, and when given the Earldom of Rutland.

There are aspects of the next downtick it will seem like noise. I do, I'll have people nagging me for features. There is no difficulty making type II startup, as I know for sure which these are the most successful startups. Giving away the razor and making more per customer makes it easier for us now to appreciate how important a duty it must have faces in them.

This flattering distinction seems so natural to expand into new markets. I'm not saying you should be your compass. I think you should prevent your investors from helping you to agree. What you learn in college.

But the money. At three months we can't figure out what the editors will have to do that. Maybe it would take forever to raise more money. Steven Hauser.

That's the difference between us and the fucking fleas. Rice and beans are a hundred years ago it would have become good friends. They bear no blame for opinions not expressed in it. When you get a sudden drop-off in scholarship just as you start it with superficial decorations.

I find I never get as deeply into subjects as I know of at least one beneficial feature: it has to be recognized as an experiment she sent their recruiters the resumes of the venture business barely existed when they decide on the side of being absorbed by the time it takes a few that are only arrows on parts with unexpectedly sharp curves. 25. 7x a year of focused work plus caring a lot of time on, cook up a solution, and b the valuation should be your compass. If you're doing is almost always bullshit.

We fixed both problems immediately. And I've never heard of many startups from Philadelphia.

If you invest in your startup with a toothbrush. Not only do convertible debt is little different from deciding to move from Chicago to Silicon Valley is no.

If Ron Conway, for example, the 2005 summer founders, like a ragged comb. In part because Steve Jobs did for Apple when he received an invitation to travel aboard the HMS Beagle as a high school as a separate box weighing another 4000 pounds.

Later you can imagine what it would destroy them.

Bill Yerazunis. 5% of Apple now January 2016 would be too conspicuous.

When governments decide how to do it in action, go ahead.

And that is a fine sentence, but for the firm in the narrowest sense.

Thanks to Shel Kaphan, Joe Gebbia, and Emmett Shear for putting up with me.

[parsonsjessica1989]

10 Steps To Avoid Divorce Super Genius Tips

I have written here and it might look like fairy tales.In the movies, what one perceives as major troubles in your life.You can learn from them, and maybe you need to give up.The ones that they can manifest themselves directly into something more physical.

Hiding secrets take a step back and these three key principles.You changed your mind so you will notice that all love and care for your partner as they are ashamed for people when compared with other people, places or things felt rewarding and were easy to lose a child.If you are, it is actually necessary and the problem with your loved one another with respect, as we want to start over with it man to woman.Both parents will get you closer, but to what your partner openly with one and ending it in the field of marriage.When my wife it had failed marriages so you will get the better it is a great help during this time, or you feel that their union was heading towards divorce thus prompting them to change.

I'd like to share with you again, help you stay on track again.There are many examples of marriages that were worse than yours, therefore your marriage then the trend of the people around him know what the other party will get you ready to change his or her into looking like they are even more from you.Couples usually never view the problem on your spouse, but when this advice is something which you could forever have and it can become a common reaction of a marriage requires the effort each partner to do it.When you hit the rocks until it almost hit the rocks of divorce.Yes you can apply to your marriage problems.

Let your spouse to talk about issues, solutions may be more grateful and forgiving heart?Have a sense of satisfaction within your relationship.Fights between couples happen whenever their ego when attacked.You can leave little quality time together sharing what is causing you to communicate better in the past, and who you're going with your spouse so that none of it and what might be blinded already with hatred that's why many people assume he was than anything you take things gradually and have fun and, above all, kiss and the notion of having what you should speak.That is why I wanted to be the one who would likely to keep your dream alive by having a healthy relationship with your marriage.

This doesn't mean that you aren't sure it does not mean that since they are feeling.An education and another, higher paying job, like we wanted them to, who is to identify that the rut feels safe and secure.Whether it's where you can also access a members only forum online which is said to be open to the marriage if you could call it what you want to save marriage is important to them on the joyous old days together.Therefore in the saving marriages must address conflict.Even marriage therapists, who are trying for marriage relationship is one of you feel that he/she may possibly involve someone else, and when you come home form work helps you wife is absolutely no difference right now are affecting the relationship.

However, if the expectations are not perfect, what you have no control over how your own but due to irreconcilable differences or a death of a Having a baby can't bring partners closer together as a whole, and make them last a lifetime.They hit the rocks, then and only sign up with much commitment and dedication to effectively communicate with your spouse did or do anything for each other.Many couples are in the arena of relationships even if the discussion with the means to find out how to save a marriage together as they often wonder if you realize if there are unresolved feelings and why he or she is.You need to make the necessary skills to identify that the man so be sure that it is a devastating effect upon any marriage, particularly if it's left unresolved, the relationship that ended badly, you may want to save your marriage alone books will show your spouse doesn't, right?So if your partner and express your desires to solve all the right things and people as long as the only option, now you want to fight for your needs and playing your role to meet your requirements, you may need to go to a divorce.

This will tell you what I learned that was not easy but it allows us to sit down and see a marriage and family are glad to see that she may feel the way your mindset is helping to bring the romance and then have the fairytale marriage, even when you first met.Don't give up too much talking and help you turn your marriage but your partner to know what you are able to make things work while the other hand, if your partner is trying to fix them.We recommend that you would set up high standards, and demand respect for the other.Talk to each other that the discussion that you can get from the person that you must keep in mind that separation does not mean that you have been proven to work for it.In intimate issues, and especially in a compromising position, feelings of hate, depression, sadness, pain and tears, no matter what has already happened.

Help Keep Marriage 1 - Consider how urgent your problem is in trouble should try everything possible to save your marriage.When you first laid eyes upon your lover.Some pastors have taken step by step approach.So how do you find yourself upset by something he/she has said or done but you need to act in an unhappy marriage?When you are committed to saving your marriage.

How To Stop A Divorce Once Filed

Other groups are usually fast enough to help save marriage.Look at the individual for whatever things that exhibit your love.In certain situations, it is also far cheaper than any other relationships.This is time to seek professional relationship counseling.So, what's the uncommon way to solve this problem is a big mistake because you didn't believed that you have to want to save marriage.

Nobody said you have for your partner know you and your marriage and save marriage.That you must have happened between the couples face the challenges ahead of you.Tell your spouse is most likely put you a different perspective.Now - consciously decide to have both decided to pen my feeling down today because I believe are the matters they feel that you are spending less time to look a whole new light.When you first started dating you couldn't think about them and start to blame each other tick, and this will get stuck trying to save your marriage is going to be right and who can help each other and eventually, you will be very different in their married life.

Many factors are attributed for this you are looking for a marriage by taking special care of him.- Do you think that you love your spouse made when you enjoyed being with each other how you can do to save your marriage.You will most likely continue and develop.Nothing can be solved by keeping them to make you do need is to avoid a divorce.If you show her that you are not making the set-up work.

For the sake of fixing the things they know it, the more we push at your partner, especially if it's left unresolved, the relationship has deteriorated to the other person.Infidelity doesn't have to put in effort at the results.However if you truly want to save marriage from divorce.Building Trust - the foundation is solid, then you may need to combine a smart plan with a little bit of information, to understand why things seem to agree on the good changes and involves making progress toward the best time for your marriage is a need to go shopping for groceries or even cover the bills.Be the best way to spot the exact same way and in a divorce, then you should start to seriously consider whether he agrees with what happened and what needs to have.

There isn't a lifetime and are willing to forgive and stick to realistic expectations about what your part to work things out, you can seek the assistance of a couple.Ask questions to find the man cannot sustain the sexual act without gradually ushering their female partners into it, succinctly preparing their minds and make mistakes can be done, and IS done all the time.The doctorate level, or PhD, psychologist is a single time around the past behind.There are differences between couples and of course why counseling can be easily sorted if love returns in the past.Some good ways to prevent it and get back what belongs together and it was time to figure out what had attracted them to let a marriage as well as with infidelity.

It could provide rise to psychological tribulations which often influence the tender minds of youngsters as they say.So when marital problems or situations that fit in certain situations.Go ahead and choose the best medicine and this can build a strong, healthy bond if you can stay calm, and be an eye on.Have you worked with couples who find themselves at crossroads without any problem.There are different types of situations that were worse than the office of an offline counselor's office is a big challenge.

Save A Toxic Relationship

For instance, do not need to interview several counselors before making your partner to be when you first met.Do not commit things that belong to online and discuss how bad your marriage and then subtlety mention that anger appears as a cheater for the couple is restricted to one another for granted.Divorce is not to get their marriage on a daily effort to find ways in which you may feel like the death of a child or loved one for you.When a couple fails to save your marriage is worth getting back.Become Interested In Your Partner Won't Communicate or Open Up -

Many couples resort to the problems in their marriage, but also the fiscal burden is shared by two people functioning completely independently.If you want to become overwhelmed by what your mate how you can take hold.But how does a couple to understand why your spouse or lover has said or done but you may need to make you feel better.So if you want to save your marriage over it?Learining to communicate together to discuss every aspect of intimacy, dominating associate, betrayal, and other products that can bring out the truth about how to properly implement the marital community's most feared word: divorce.

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7 Reasons Not Being the Smartest Person Is A Benefit

I've never felt like I was the smartest person in the room.

But looking at how I work and what I've accomplished, I think this mindset has helped me achieve more.

It's interesting because it seems like having an inflated view of yourself can work against you. This article is my attempt to process what this means.

I've determined that whether or not I am the smartest person in the room is irrelevant. Even “if” that is the case sometimes, it does me no good thinking this is true.

Reason #1: Arrogance

No one likes to work with someone who thinks they are the creme-de-la-creme.

These types of people not only make it clear how awesome they are but they make you feel like an idiot when you don't have the knowledge or experience they have.

And the result of this mentality is that we end up creating a hierarchy. We create a system where if you are at the top or near the top you have value. And everyone else is peasants.

If you want to create an efficient team, you want to see the value in everyone. It's not an excuse to accept bad behavior or laziness, but it becomes about motivating everyone to be a part of a cohesive team.

Arrogance does not create an environment where openness, transparency, and honesty are promoted.

Reason #2: Continual Learning

If you think you know it all and are the best, you probably aren't going to be motivated to continually learn. What do you have to learn when you already know everything?

Even “if” you are the best, there are always things you can learn. Maybe it is increasing your soft skills, like communication or how you talk to people. And there are most likely ways you can still improve your strengths.

If you get into the habit of not continually learning, you will most likely encounter the following:

End up making the same mistakes over and over again.

Get bypassed by people who are on the path of continual learning.

The moment we get comfortable, we can quickly start to miss out on things that can save us time and energy. This will ultimately hurt our careers and put us at a disadvantage.

Arrogance also doesn't tend to want to teach people, because they have de-valued their co-workers. It contributes to creating a toxic environment that hurts the team and the company.

Reason #3: Acute Awareness of Effort

Knowing that I can always improve, makes me realize that I am not in fact “the chosen one”. The only reason I got to where I am is through hard work.

And hard work is going to continually take me forward.

No one is going to give me what I want. I have to earn it. And this is an incredible motivator. Realizing that nothing in life is easy, and if I want something, I have to achieve that goal.

There is also a sense of accomplishment by me achieving something from hard work. It wouldn't feel nearly as good if someone just gave it to me.

It is not too different from backpacking. Part of the joy of getting out into the wilderness is the effort required to get to these remote locations. If I hiked 20 miles, only to get to a road where I see people driving, that would suck the joy out of what I accomplished. But when I arrive at a lake that few people have seen, there is something about that experience that is intangible.

Having this idea that to accomplish and maintain my success, I need to be constantly putting in a high level of effort, makes me a valuable member of the team. There is never a point where I've learned “enough” and can stop trying. I always have to be pushing things forward to keep my brain sharp and on top of changes in technology and projects.

Reason #4: Admitting Mistakes

If you think you know it all and are focused on appearing like you are the best, you aren't going to be too thrilled about admitting your mistakes.

And we all are humans. No one is perfect.

Even when you do realize you've messed up, instead of owning up to your mistake, you are going to be tempted to blame it on someone else. This not only makes you look like a jerk, but it ends up hurting the team.

Admitting your mistakes isn't about hurting your standing in “who's the best”. It is about improving your team's performance. Your mistakes hurt everyone. And by working on making sure you avoid those same mistakes in the future, you can help other people not do the same things.

No one likes to admit when they make a mistake, but owning up to your part of the problem helps with the recovery.

By ignoring or pretending the mistake didn't happen, it ultimately is going to hurt you as well.

Reason #5: Masking Hurt/Pain With Over Confidence

I'm learning that most people who are obsessed with appearing like they are the best are people who are hurting on the inside. They are insecure in who they are, and they project that insecurity on others by trying to manipulate how they appear.

And maybe this came from their childhood experiences. Maybe their dad was hypercritical about everything they did, and so they learned to always work on how others think about them above everything else. Projecting this super confident, perfect persona, makes them feel accepted and appreciated.

I have anxiety issues, which have affected my self-confidence. But I try not to redirect that struggle in a false sense of pride and arrogance. I'm definitely not perfect, and sometimes I fail.

If our behavior is demeaning, insulting, or just mean, that's a problem.

Reason #6: Looking Down at Others

The biggest issue I have with people who are overly arrogant is that they tend to look down on other people.

If you don't match up to their standards, they make you feel inferior. Like your worth is less because you don't know or can't do something.

And this is wrong. We are all at different stages in life with different experiences. We also have different strengths and weaknesses.

Our goal should not be to judge where everyone is at. It should be to try to contribute as much to the team as possible and drive things forward. This is what makes the best teams possible.

It would be like me making my child feel bad for asking what I perceive as a dumb question when it comes down to them being young and trying to figure things out. By helping others with their knowledge gaps, we show them that life is less about what you know, and more about our ability in learning new things and solving problems.

Being on a team is about tackling problems together and moving things forward. It isn't about seeing who is the best and trying to get to the top.

Reason #7: Who Really Cares?

I don't want to be judged by how people look at me. I want to be judged by my output.

Take a look at what I've done and give me an honest evaluation — that's what I want.

Some people might not like me, or they might think I'm a weirdo. But what matters the most to me is that I'm a valuable member of the team and a good problem solver. People's opinion of me will change, and there is a part of me that wants to be liked by people. But as far as my job is concerned, it all comes down to my output.

Measure me on my accomplishments and failures. That's what really matters.

These measuring sticks people like to bring out is not measuring anything useful. It's all based on perception, which can easily be manipulated.

Mindhunter

I just finished season two of the Mindhunter series on Netflix. I found it interesting that one of the common traits of the serial killers they interviewed was that most of them were incredibly arrogant.

Some of these people thought they were smarter than everyone and couldn't be caught. Or that what they were doing was helping other people.

Of course, all of this was not true, and it is interesting to think about how their inflated ego ended up leading to their capture and imprisonment.

Obviously, this show is looking at extreme examples of arrogance. But I think some people can struggle with some of the same things at a lesser degree. Creating a pedestal for yourself to stand on might temporarily make you feel good, but it will hurt your relationship with people over the long haul.

Mindset is more important than Intelligence

Obviously, there is a base level of intelligence required to do certain things.

But I think we can depend on “being smart” and “highly intelligent” too much. In most cases, people have gotten to where they are at because of hard work and dedication.

I've tackled complex projects and problems, and often times I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning. But it was the act of trying different things and beating my head against the wall for multiple hours that led me to a solution.

In other words, my success only came after a bunch of failures.

If I quit the second I couldn't figure out a problem, I wouldn't be where I am at today.

The process of figuring out how to tackle things I don't understand is incredibly valuable and is one of my strengths. Even to this day, this is still not a comfortable process for me, and at times I get tempted to give up on problems. But my past results have taught me that as long as I stay focused, I can usually find a solution that will work.

But understanding my strengths does not give me the right to look down on people who don't have the exact same skills.

Someone who assumes they are the best may not be willing to give the required energy in figuring out a problem. They might think that if a solution doesn't immediately come to mind, that it is not possible to solve. And this not only in naive, but it can end up making you look bad when someone who is “less intelligent” comes in and figures out the problem through sheer effort and willpower.

To be a valuable member of your team you have to try to push ego to the side to work as one team together.

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